Coldest State, Hottest Governor
Pit Bulls For Palin
NObama
Yes Mac Can
Burly Men for Palin, Girlie Men for Biden
I Wanna Be Sarah's Intern!
McCain/Palin: A Hero and a Hottie
McMILF 2008
VPILF
No McCain = No Gain
Read My Lipstick: Vote McCain Palin
Vote Pistol-Packin' Mama '08
Omama
Sarah Is My Shero
The Palinator
Hope Is Not a Plan
The Audacity of Hype
I'm Voting for Sarah and That Guy's She's Running With
Todd Palin for Second Dude
Sarah Palin: Hockey Mom I'd Like to Puck
Our VP Is Hotter Than Yours
I'm Voting for the Hot Chick
Clinging to God and My Gun While I Vote Republican
Got Lipstick? McCain/Palin '08
Hockey Moms Say Puck Obama
If You Like Osama Vote Obama
Obama bin Lyin'
Obama For Change? That's All You'll Have Left In Your Pockets
Your Wallet: The One Place Democrats Are Willing to Drill
McCain '08: Proven Leadership So We Don't Have to Hope
New Investment Definitions
These terms have been redefined to fit current circumstances:
CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET - A six to eighteen month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex!
VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER - What my broker has made me.
(S&P) STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the Toilet.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a Nuthouse.
MOMENTUM INVESTING - The fine art of buying high and selling low.
'BUY, BUY' - A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.
FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-Eleven for toilet paper and cigarettes.
CALL OPTION - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
YA HOO - What you yell after selling all you owned to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo for $240 per share.
PROFIT - Religious guy who talks to God.
CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET - A six to eighteen month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex!
VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER - What my broker has made me.
(S&P) STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the Toilet.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a Nuthouse.
MOMENTUM INVESTING - The fine art of buying high and selling low.
'BUY, BUY' - A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.
FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-Eleven for toilet paper and cigarettes.
CALL OPTION - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
YA HOO - What you yell after selling all you owned to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo for $240 per share.
PROFIT - Religious guy who talks to God.
Defining Politics
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."
George Bush and Sex
Much has already been published about the sexual preferences and notorious behavior of former President Clinton.
However, little has been reported on the sexual practices of the current Commander-in-Chief. It has recently been learned that the President and Mrs. Bush only make love with Laura Bush on top since George W. Bush can only f**k up.
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